Hey guys, my name is Pat Grechi, and I’m a dog behaviorist and certified separation anxiety trainer, and we’re here to talk about how to do long term sustainable transformation, to focus on your dog’s well being and change that behavior. So today we’re going to talk a little bit about parenting guilt and how we can never fulfill our dog’s needs every single day, and also the concept of balance, which is helpful, but also might be setting up expectations that you’re never going to be able to fulfill. So let’s talk about this and start with the concept of balance. So balance would be when you have this amazing schedule that you can split the time into the things that you need to achieve and that important for you, or important for you to do the things that you like doing. But if you are human being, you probably already realized that you cannot perform every single day of your life in the same way, because things appear and unforeseen circumstances will appear, and this thing’s gonna change your schedule. They’re gonna change your priorities, and all of a sudden you have this massive project that you were not expecting, and that needs to be delivered straight away. And you have the dog that have been in a really nice routine of walking one hour per per, let’s say, morning, and then in the evening as well. But then all of a sudden, you’re really tired and you don’t have so much time, so you need to cut back a little bit, then you feel really, really guilty about it, because everything needs to be in a perfect balance. It’s impossible. That is completely impossible. So it’s very natural and very normal that you will have periods of your time of your life, that you have more time, and that you will be more focused on your dog, and it’s completely fine to have periods of your life where you are more focused on your work, or you might focus on your kids, or you might focus on moving houses, or whatever happens with you or your family. Maybe something happened with your family and you need to give them attention so you remember that whatever you want, whatever is the perfect schedule and relationship and ideal world that you would like to live with your dog, you’re not going to be able to fulfill that 100% of the time, but it’s really important. It’s like diet right when we fall into eating loads of shit, then we need to fall back into going back to healthy and fresh food, and whatever you choose to eat to feel healthy. But this is, this is the important part, is the relapse. So it will happen, and it will happen all the time, but you need to fall back. You need to think, okay, it happened. Yes, great. So how can I create time again? Because otherwise we might just go “Ah, now everything is screwed this week, so I might as well just just go completely off the rails. So That’s bollocks.” You need to be able to go back and think that you didn’t destroy anything. It was just 123, days, maybe a week, maybe a month, maybe a year, that it was not how you wanted to be. But you can, you can still do something to change that. So this idea of balance for me, balance would be you go from one side to the other and then you try to find the middle. This is balance for me, but most of people are trying to always be in balance, and that’s completely impossible. So I believe that balance would be dropping to one side of the scale, and then going back to the middle, maybe dropping to the other side and trying to go back and always trying to find this sweet spot. But it doesn’t mean you will be in the sweet spot. It just means you will try and do your best. So the parenting guilt that I see comes mostly from that, and sometimes comes from the areas that I find that are less important on your dog’s life. So loads of people tell me, Oh, it’s really sad, because I cannot do 10 games with my dog every single day inside the house. So my dog is mentally simulated when sometimes I think, well, but you’re doing an amazing job in your walks, stimulating your dog. So why are we worrying about indoors when actually what you’re doing is much more effective and much more helpful than actually the indoors activity. So I have this impression that our dog training. An industry which does in the best of intentions, sometimes misleads us. We talk a lot about things that dogs need, and that’s super important. Obviously, we want our dogs to have better life and to be happier and to live well, and if we don’t tell you that mental stimulation is important, you’re never going to know about it. But also sometimes we talk about those things, and we make you a little bit paranoid with those things. So I just wanted to rectify on that if you are missing important parts of your dog life, like taking your dog to the vet and doing vaccinations, that’s essential. You need to get back on track on that. But if there is other things that are small and you still feel like it’s helpful for your dog, can you just not beat yourself up because that that is essentially going to paralyze you, and I feel like it’s not going to help you to do what you need to do. So something that I like to do when I’m thinking in terms of balance and trying to fulfill my dog’s needs, which I don’t have a dog at the moment, but I will, and I think a lot about those things. How can I make sure that I fulfill my needs and I fulfill my dog’s needs? What I’m trying to find is a point of balance, but being very, very mindful that some days it will not be that ideal routine. Some days will be better, some days will be worse, and that’s going to be balanced for me. So I want you to do an exercise
list. First of all, all the things that your dog loves doing and that keep them happy and keep them in their best state. So it’s good for their welfare. Right. Then after that, I want you to list all the things that you need to train to make your dog happier. So you things like your dog is barking at strangers. This is making them stress, this is making them frustrated. This is making them upset, or they’re barking at the door, or they any sign of stress. I want you to list that right, and what kind of trainee you would have to do with that, or just the problems you can just start with that. Those are your probably second priorities. And then to do with your dog, with the routine with your dog. And then after that, I want you to think of the things that are important for you, that are going to maintain your relationship with your dog. What are those things? Because sometimes we forget about that as well. And most likely, those things are important for your dog as well, and you’re not giving credit to that. So things like cuddling on the sofa and playing without a phone in your hand and completely focusing on them is completely underrated, and it’s really important. So write those things down as well, and make sure that you have a time of the day that would be your minimum to train this on time of the week. It doesn’t have to be every day, right? I would also put on I don’t want to complicate this too much, but I will also put basic necessities, so things like need to feed my dog, cannot forget that need to go to the vet. If my dog have a problem, I have to go to the vet more often, maybe every month, and I need to schedule that so I don’t forget. I will try to organize myself on like, basic needs as well, like, give you medication, things like that. Anyways, keep going. So when you have this, I want you to think, what is the minimum that I can do? And with the basic needs, there is no minimum right. If you need to feed your dog, you need to feed your dog, but if there is other things, for example, you training, or you going for walks, or you are giving them to simulation and see that I said, if you are, because not all dogs are doing those things, and that’s okay, if that is better for that. So if you are doing those things, what’s the minimum I need to walk my dog? What’s the minimum that I could do in a horrible day, that I just need to go back and go back to work because I didn’t organize myself, or because I have a huge project that I need to deliver, or because I am not in the mood. What is the minimum that would be healthy, that would be okay? And what do I have to do in this minimum, right? What the kind of activities I have to do? Do this with the training. Do this with all the things, okay? And then you’re gonna give you a little bit of peace of mind of, Oh, check I did the minimum today. Oh, wow, I did much more than the minimum this other day. So this kind of balance it out. So I hope this was helpful. If there is anything that you don’t know how. To set up minimums and things like that, you can always book a training session, a puppy training session with us. If it’s not a behavioral issue, if there’s nothing like aggression or fear or separation anxiety, you can book a puppy training session with us. We also can help you to organize yourself. We can talk about how much time your dog needs to walk, how much time your dog needs to train, what kind of mental simulations we need to do, and we can help you with all this. So I hope you like this episode. Let me know by following us on Instagram and giving us, sending us a DM. I would love to hear from you. I speak to you soon. Bye, bye.
